Do As I Say, Not As I Do

I was given some pretty good parental advice the other day. I was advised to first have specific, positive goals for my end product. In other words, know and articulate what I want for my kids. I was then advised to model the behavior I want my children to use. In other words practice what I preach. Now I’m pretty sure nobody want to raise a juvenile delinquent and yet I’ve met a few, so this advice is obviously not without exceptions. Here’s what I think: I think a big part of good parenting is establishing good habits. Some of those habits include making the bed everyday and choosing an apple over a Twinkie. Some of those habits include treating others as you want to be treated and always speaking the truth. I try to teach the habit of a positive outlook. Every day I remind my family that they have the power to choose the color of their day. “It can be a good day or a bad day. The choice is yours.”

The truth is we’re teaching our children habits everyday, good or bad. So what do you want for your kids? health, integrity, kindness, self-confidence, success? Now reflect on what example you’re giving your children. Are you living a healthy life, showing integrity and kindness? What habits are you teaching your children?

2012 Week Four

Lots of official changes at the Smallwood house this week. This week we officially cancelled our Royal Ambassador and God’s Girls programs at Oklahoma Lane and we’ve officially begun the process of transitioning from our little Methodist home-away-from-home back to an official Baptist environment. It’s a decision we feel is right for our family now, but we’re gonna miss Oklahoma Lane. They loved us through a very difficult time in our lives. I hope we still get invited to the Baked Potato supper!

I met Mama and Ella in Wichita Falls this past weekend where we shopped, ate, laughed and talked ‘til we dropped. Seriously, the trunk of the car is full and my feet are still burning. We discovered Fuzzy’s Taco Shop and toured WF in the dark. We ate at Fuzzy’s again and saw One For The Money. We considered Fuzzy’s for breakfast, but decided on another restaurant and parted ways. Until next year, when we’ll definitely have breakfast a Fuzzy’s!

Ignorance Really IS Bliss

Speaking of the shriveling and the plumping, we had a learning experience recently as Jack spent six days in the hospital with a domino effect of ailments. What we thought was a virus turned out to be a bladder/gall bladder infection that had turned septic, which then led to a severe depletion of potassium, which then led to atrial fibrillation of the heart. Of course we discovered all this backwards, originally going to the ER for the ‘funky heartbeat’.

We believe all is well again. Jack is still very weak and will be monitored by the cardiologist for the foreseeable future, but he feels better than he has in weeks, probably because his body has help (VERY powerful antibiotics) fighting the infection. We still don’t know how this will affect his plans for gastric bypass. The cardiologist and gastroenterologist want it done ASAP (with the gallbladder taken out at the same time), but so far the bariatric surgeon is not talking.

What I do know is that God protects us sometimes by allowing us to stay ignorant. We really didn’t find out until Thursday, after all problems had been identified and were under control, how very serious Jack’s problems were. In fact, I’ve been more nervous since we got home (where the closest doctor is 25 minutes away) than I ever was in the ER or hospital.

So I ask y’all to keep praying for Jack’s recovery and my peace of mind.

No, I didn’t say stability of mind, I said peace of mind. Stability of mind is a grace I’m still hoping for.

Couch Religion

So has anybody else ever tried to glean spiritual application from the Star Wars saga? Am I the only one who wants the cosmic power of the Force to be our God-given free will and the epic battle between the Jedi and the Sith to be the battle between the good and evil in our hearts?

Yeah, Thomas didn’t think so either. When, during our weekend-long Star Wars marathon, I tried to draw the obvious spiritual parallels, Thomas replied, “Yeah, I just like the lightsabers.”  

Playground Religion

Thomas has given up carbonated drinks for Lent. This might not seem like huge news except that we’re Southern Baptist and have neither practiced nor even discussed Lent with our children.

No, Thomas learned about Lent on the playground.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not against observing Lent. In fact, after doing a little research I find myself quite proud of Thomas. That boy does love his Dr. Pepper and giving that up has been a struggle for him.

One of my worries is that he doesn’t fully understand Lent. I have the impression he views it as more of a bonding exercise or test. He did understand he is giving up cokes for Jesus but I think that’s as philosophical as the playground conversation got. We will be having a lesson on Lent today.

No, what really kicks is what this is showing me about how easily our children can be influenced by peers. We are lucky Thomas’ friends want to share Lent, not Hare Krishna. We parents spend a lot of time teaching our children to say no to drugs and bullies, but are we teaching them to recognize false doctrine?

EEEKKK!!!

That sounded very … extreme. Very denim-jumper-and-long-braids-fanatic. Very religious. And I don’t usually think of myself in that way, but this struck me as important. We must teach our kids to recognize what is True and what is not AND we must create homes in which they can feel comfortable asking questions. Of us. Not the skinhead on the monkey bars.

KC’s Prayer Journal

If you’ve been keeping up with our God’s Girls blog you’ll know that we began studying prayer this week. Nothing could have better convinced me this is a timely (or God inspired) topic than my phone conversations from last night and the news this morning. The prayer journal I made with the girls Wednesday night out of construction paper and yarn, is full. My heart is both heavy for my loved ones and their situations and soaring with praise and thankfulness for our relatively calm existence.

Today as you go about getting ready for the weekend or packing for that Spring Break trip, please say a special prayer for:

• A wife and mother struggling with issues of infidelity, health and suicide,
• A church family exhausted and working to do the right thing,
• A school administrator with no concept of boundaries and a school in need of leadership,
• A 16 year old’s chronic illness,
• A missionary family who, with an entire country, is devastated by natural disaster,
• A single mom’s effort to reclaim both her property and charge of her life, and
• A husband and father facing major health decisions.

James 5:13-16 says

Is anyone among you suffering? Then he must pray. Is anyone cheerful? He is to sing praises. Is anyone among you sick? Then he must call for the elders of the church and they are to pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord; and the prayer offered in faith will restore the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up, and if he has committed sins, they will be forgiven him. Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.

Whew! This Week Was A Doozy

Here are the highlights:

• Jack’s visit to the orthopedic specialist leads to another good news/bad news report. The good news is that we liked the doctor very well. He is the first we’ve seen that identified and acknowledged the problems and then laid out a specific plan for solving them. The bad news is that he feels Jack should have bariatric surgery to relieve the pressure on Jack’s joints before he replaces his hips and knees. Yes, I said hips AND knees. It’s a long road ahead people. Please keep praying.
• I’ve hit the track running this spring semester. I’m taking Marriage and the Family on Monday nights, Forensic Psychology on Tuesday nights and Physical Geology online. Jack has promised to help with that last one.
• Thomas took the writing portion of the TAKS test Tuesday. He feels very confident about what he wrote. We’re praying that part of being 504ed as dyslexic includes reading his writing submission aloud, because while Thomas’ writing is very strong, his spelling is VERY phonetic.
• God’s Girls completed a great series of lessons on self-worth this week. Check out the God’s Girls blog for the details.
• Jack hosted the latest RA Camp planning meeting at FBC Muleshoe this past Thursday night. He cooked ham (provided by his in-laws, Cooks brand of course), red beans and cornbread. I supplemented with pickles, jalapenos, onion and corn tortillas. The meal was a hit and they blasted through the 3-PAGE agenda in record time. Camp is coming together! Only four and a half more months to go.
• The girls and I had a little girl-time while Jack and Thomas went with the rest of the RAs to a lock-in in Shallowater over the weekend. We didn’t do anything special. Just hung out together. I love how well Emma and Liz play together these days. They disappear into their room for hours and giggle. That’s valuable.
• We were back to church yesterday after missing a couple weeks. It was good to be home.
• Jack spent about six hours helping me with that geology class yesterday. He helped while I finished Jan Karon’s new Father Tim book In the Company of Others. I did feel a little guilty, but he offered to help and I’d hate to thwart a cheerful giver. Ms. Karon’s book is excellent by the way.

This week consists of an attempt to get the house back under control, some plumbing work at the in-laws and some flowerbed recovery. Plus work and school and church. But that’s it! Nothing else. Unless someone asks of course.

Learning Our Self-Worth

For the next few weeks, God’s Girls will be discovering our self-worth, specifically what we are worth to our Creator and King.

This is a timely lesson for a couple of reasons. The first lies with my Emma. A few weeks ago she came downstairs before school frustrated because none of her clothes are cute enough. Now I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not a shopper. I prefer jeans and a t-shirt and I get stubborn as a mule about paying a lot for clothes that are only gonna fit for a few months (not to mention the fact that I refuse to dress my 8 year old like a hoochie-mama.) However, I believe that between my guilt and her aunts, Emma manages to dress nicely most of the time. Anyway, when I asked what the big fuss was about she burst into tears and told me that some of the girls at school make fun of her and she thought if she dressed ‘cuter’ they’d leave her alone.

Now comes the not nice part. I was ready to line up some little girls and start punching. Emma is one of the sweetest, friendliest and most loyal girls I’ve ever known and I’m not saying that just because I’m her mama. Anyone who would pick on her (or let her be picked on) is small, mean and obviously in need of a little love herself.

I didn’t punch anyone. I was good and spoke to Emma about praying for those that hurt us and knowing our true worth, but I can still see her struggling. Which leads me to my second reason. We have a couple of 5^th and 6^th graders in our group and though I know they were both raised in godly homes where encouragement and love are the norm, I can see they’re struggling with self-worth too. The truth is that we are all struggling with it every day, no matter what our age.

Last night we watched Big Idea’s ‘A Snoodle’s Tale’, the story of Snoodle Doo who learns that it doesn’t matter how others see us because God, our Creator, knows how special and beautiful each of us is. We discussed how it feels when someone puts us down. We discussed how we should treat others who put us down and how we should support our friends when they’re struggling.  We discussed how special God made each one of us.

I challenged the girls to go through the days remembering that all of us feel nervous about something: our hair, our weight, our talents, our smarts, something. I challenge you to do the same.

That Mom

I’m nervous this morning. The kids went back to school today. I didn’t realize how much stress school is causing us until I had to face sending them back. Most of it’s stuff that’s completely out of my hands: Thomas feels like he has to be class clown to have friends, Emma’s teacher doesn’t seem to like her, Liz’s class is full of those who attended the local private pre-school instead of the Head Start like she did, if you get my drift. I know in my heart that we have tried and will continue to try to raise our kids to be confident examples of Christ and that the traumas of today will be the funny memories of tomorrow. Still, every slight and dig and pathetic attempt hurts- both them and me.

And then there’s the stuff I do have a little control over: Thomas’s dyslexia accommodations, Emma’s homework assignments, etc. I’m a wuss. I don’t like to make waves. I don’t like to feel as if people are annoyed with me. I don’t want to be that mom. You know the one- loud, annoying, persistent, obtuse, the one that everyone dreads seeing. I don’t want to be that mom mostly because, as we’ve established, I’m a wuss, but also because I don’t want my children to be labeled and treated badly because I am that mom. On the other hand, I’m really tired of being nice. Nice is getting me nowhere. Nice is getting me pats on the head and I’m still that mom to some extent.

Bffw says take ‘em out. Homeschool. Skip the rhetoric and platitudes. Spare myself the drama and the trauma. And that’s great for her, but homeschooling has never interested me. Not even a little. Jack and I’ve talked about it as a last resort for Thomas, but only if the school can not or will not address his special needs.

My sister says go proactive and sue their butts. As an elementary principal, she’s very well versed in the ins and outs of the battles we’re fighting. She’s over hearing me whine about it all and thinks we should make them toe the line.

But I’m a wuss (and apparently a lazy one since I don’t want to homeschool). So I’m praying. And setting yet another meeting. And praying.

I’m praying I can be a good mama, that our kids are confident and feel safe in our love for them. I’m praying I can be the advocate that my children need. I’m praying for their teachers and for the administration. I’m praying a lot.

Am I the only one? Is there anyone else out there who is having to become that mom? Can the that mom’s of the world unite?

Time, Time, Time …

Well, it’s that time of year again. Time to reflect on the past year and list hopes for the coming year.

Time to regret the exorbitant amount you’ve spent on eating out and set goals for weight loss.

Time to look back fondly on past excursions and make plans for new adventures.

Time to assess and evaluate.

Time to anticipate and expect.

Time to let go.

Time to move forward.

When you’re labeling your new calendar this year, remember to prioritize. Put God first. Proverbs 3:5-6 says ‘Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.’

Happy New Year my friends!